South Dakota Bans Sexual Discrimination

Source: http://gay-rights-law.suite101.com

The North Dakota Senate passes a bill banning discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, public accommodations, housing, state and local government services, insurance and credit transactions. This legal acceptance of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community comes in the wake of the state government's attacks on a woman's right to choose.

On February 19, 2009, the Senate voted 27-19 to pass Bill 2278, which adds sexual orientation, defined as "actual or perceived heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, or gender identity or expression," to the list of classes protected under existing North Dakota anti-discrimination laws. Current classes include race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, marital status, and status of public assistance. The bill will now move to the House of Representatives for review.

Most states do not include sexual orientation or gender identity in the classes protected from discrimination. According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, by July 2008 there were seven states that banned discrimination based on sexual orientation. Thirteen states and the District of Columbia banned discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

But while discrimination is illegal, North Dakota still does not have a law classifying crimes committed based on sexual orientation or gender identity as hate crimes. As of July 2008, Alabama, Alaska, Idaho, Mississippi, Montana, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Virginia and West Virginia lacked hate crime laws to include sexual orientation or sexual identity. Five other states lack hate crimes based on any characteristics. But the majority of states - 31 states and the District of Columbia - do have hate crime laws to include sexual orientation although only eleven and the District of Columbia include gender identity. So while North Dakota is moving ahead of the nation in anti-discrimination laws, it still falls behind in protecting the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community from violence and crime.

Saying No to Bans on Gay-Straight Alliances

Source: www.lezgetreal.com

The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida has filed a federal lawsuit against the Nassau County (Fla.) School Board on Feb. 10, after school administrators denied students permission to form Gay-Straight Alliances at Yulee High School and Yulee Middle School.

In a letter denying access to the group, the board’s superintendent said that groups with names referencing a sexual orientation would not be recognized and that even if the group changed its name to one not communicating a gay-specific mission, approval was uncertain.

The ACLU lawsuit is alleging violations of the First Amendment and the Equal Access Act, and seeks a preliminary injunction to force school officials to allow the GSA to meet at Yulee High School while the litigation makes its way to trial.
The ACLU of Florida recently won an analogous federal case after Okeechobee High School refused to allow a GSA group to meet. The Okeechobee County School Board ended up paying $326,000 in attorneys’ fees.

“Gay and lesbian students deserve schools that heed the rule of law,” said Robert Rosenwald, director of the ACLU of Florida’s LGBT Advocacy Project. “These students are trying to bring a message of equality and openness, and the lesson they are being taught is that Yulee High School administrators believe discrimination against LGBT students is an acceptable policy.”

The federal Equal Access Act requires schools to grant access and recognition to a GSA — and most other student groups — if the school allows any extracurricular groups to meet on campus, which both Yulee schools do. There are more than 4,000 GSAs in the U.S.

My comment: Besides the question of flouting the rule of the law, which this article clearly points out, the issue of clamping down on open debate is also at stake. As a teacher, I have seen this happen far too often, even in colleges. Administrators fear for their lives when teachers try to engage their students in frank discussions of thorny or touchy subjects, sexuality included. Schools sometimes seem to prefer that their students live under coconut shells, and never embrace the world as their oyster. It's all so archaic, so backward looking. Without open debate, modernity is stymied, and progress dies. So come on--give your youngsters the power of knowledge.

How to Get Laid in Japanese

Look at the list below of must-know terms in Japanese, necessary for one's survival in the gay land of Cherry Blossoms. VIsit this country of bizarre contradictions--from the sale of soft porn in grocery stores to "nooner" hourly rooms, from centuries tradition of bowing to kimono-clad geishas.

Like gay scenes anywhere, the Japanese gay scene has its own lingo. Let's look at a few of the most common phrases heard amongst Japanese gay guys.

gei pronounced "gay". An easy start to the lesson.

kotchi = family: The word kochi or, with a lingering lilt on the "ch," kotchi ("cot chee") literally, and quite simply, means "here" or "on this side". It's not too big a stretch of the imagination to interpret it as "someone of the same group as myself," or, in English gay parlance, "family".
"Ano hito wa kotchi kana?" "That person's family, isn't he?"

okama = fag, poof: the noun kama means pot, as in a large pot used for cooking stews in, originally over an open fire - more like "cauldron," perhaps. Add an honorific "o" to the front of it, and you have the Japanese word for "fag" or "poof" - etymology unknown.
Read the list of must-know terms in order to survive in gay old Japan, should you ever have the chance to visit this country of unbridled contradictions, from the sale of soft porn in supermarkets to the hourly hotel rooms for "nooners," from the centuries tradition of bowing to frenzied passion for all things western.

Source: http://japanvisitor.blogspot.com/2009/02/japanese-gay-terms.html
nonke = straight: the roots of the word are obscure, but nonke simply means "straight".

tachi = top: the verb tatsu means "to stand". Tachi is the noun derived from that verb, i.e. "something that stands," or "a top".

ukemi = bottom: the verb ukeru means to "take, , receive, accept," thus uke (receiving) mi (body, party) means "one who receives," or, a bottom.

neko = bottom: neko literally means "cat". It has exactly the same meaning as ukemi, but in a slangier way.

riba = versatile. riba ("ree-ba") represents the first two syllables of the English word "reversible".

chinchin, mara = penis. chinchin is a kid's word for penis, and mara is a more hardcore "grown-up" word for it. You'll hear both, the choice of words depending on the setting.

dekachin, dekamara = huge cock: dekkai (from which deka is derived) is an adjective meaning "huge". chin is an abbreviation of chinchin (see above), and mara is just mara (see above).

kintama = balls, testicles. Literally "golden" (kin) "balls" (tama). Get it?

The Misgivings of Reading Sexy Books

Source: Associated Press, February 19, 2009

TOPEKA | The Topeka Shawnee County Library Board of Trustees has voted to restrict access to four books about sex.

The 5-3 vote came Thursday after the board heard more than two hours of testimony and discussion. The board had moved its regular meeting to a bigger room for the public hearing because of the interest in the issue.

The board took up the issue after Kim Borchers and her group "Kansans for Common Sense" requested that the books should be taken off the public shelves and available only by request from an adult.

The books are The Joy of Sex, The Joy of Gay Sex, Sex for Busy People, and the Lesbian Kama Sutra.

The board left the decision on how to restrict access to the books to the library staff.

The above news does not surprise me. Having lived in the Land of Dorothy, I know that public libraries are site of conservatism. I recall some years ago teaching "Sex in America," a course on heterosexuality and homosexuality and everything else in between. The course was offered by a public university but taught at a local public library, as part of a larger outreach program of the said university. A firestorm broke out. The library administration balked at me teaching such a course even though the enrollment was restricted to enrolled college students. Dare I say more here?

August Wilson's "King Hedley II" in Tampa

Photo credit: www.willbeez.com
Due to popular demand, American Stage Theatre Company has extended by one week the run of August Wilson's hit drama, King Hedley II, thru Feb. 22. This is an intense drama that will make you ask all sorts of questions about the elusiveness of the "American Dream," in a society riddled by racism and classism.

King Hedley II will be familiar to audiences who saw American Stage’s critical hit production of August Wilson’s Gem of the Ocean last season. The death of Aunt Ester, a gamble to peddle refrigerators, a garden of seeds, and a final act of retribution are the threads that make up the tapestry of Wilson’s 1980s installment in the author's renowned cycle of plays.

King Hedley II recently was released from jail and is now trying to sell stolen refrigerators in the poor side of Pittsburg to raise enough money to purchase a video store. As he and his new family begin to rise above their limited opportunities to attain their Ronald Reagan-era “American Dream”, a ghost from the past re-enters Hedley’s life that forces him to confront his own pattern of petty violence, self-destruction, and self-doubts.

Promotional material provided by the American Stage Theater Company

Performances and ticket prices are as follows:
Wednesday and Thursday evening curtain is at 7:30 p.m.
Friday and Saturday evening curtain is at 8 p.m.
Saturday and Sunday matinee curtain is at 3 p.m.

Tickets prices are $24-$39 depending on date and time of performance.
Students Rush tickets are $10, 30 minutes prior to curtain.

Please call the American Stage Box Office
at (727) 823-PLAY (7529)

ACLU Sues FLorida School District Over Gay-Straight Alliance

Illustration courtesy of www.raider.muc.edu

"The ACLU of Florida has sued the Nassau County school district today, contending that administrators illegally barred students from establishing a Gay-Straight Alliance at Yulee High and Yulee Middle.

The group claims that Nassau superintendent John Ruis sent a letter stating that groups mentioning a specific sexual orientation would not be approved.

"We just want the club so that straight and gay kids can get together to talk about harassment and discrimination against gay kids in an open environment. The school is discriminating against us and that's exactly the kind of thing we want to talk about and prevent," student plaintiff Hannah Page said in a press release. "Other clubs and groups are allowed to meet on campus and we have that right too."

The ACLU recently fought and won a similar case in Okeechobee County. It also has been involved in gay rights issues in Holmes County. The issue is hot enough to keep the ACLU so busy that it set up a Tampa branch of its Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Advocacy Project over the summer to fight the battle statewide."

Source: tampabay.com, February 10, 2009

We often preach openness, tolerance, and most of all, freedom of speech. And yet we cannot allow gay adolescents discuss their sexual orientation or in the case of straight students, their thoughts on the subject matter. How can we achieve the goal of a harmonious, pluralistic society if we continue to sweep such a subject matter back into the closet? What kind of message are we sending to gay (and straight) kids? Will the cycle of hatred continue in the absence of mutual understanding? If nothing else, the rising rate of teen suicide (Click here for a related blog entry) should be pause for reflection.

Gel Protects Women from AIDS Virus

Illustration credit: www.iusy.org

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) – An Indevus Pharmaceuticals gel formulated to protect women from the virus that causes AIDS appeared to protect about a third of them from infection -- the first time a so-called microbicide has been shown to work, researchers told a conference in Montreal.

Dr. Salim Abdool Karim of the Center for the AIDS Program of Research in South Africa and colleagues said the trial of 3,000 women showed the gel may have protected 30 percent of the women from infection" (Reuters, February 9, 2009).

If this gel is indeed the miracle drug, the elusive panacea, for this deadly disease, then maybe there is hope for millions of people. This is especially true for people of Sub-Sahara Africa, one of the worst hit subcontinents of the world. The statistics are mind boggling:

"Sub-Saharan Africa remains the region most heavily affected by HIV, accounting for more than two thirds of all people living with HIV globally. Of the global total of 2.1 million adult and child deaths due to AIDS in 2007, 1.6 million occurred in sub-Saharan Africa. An estimated 1.7 million people were newly infected with HIV in sub-Saharan Africa in 2007, declining from 2.2 million new infections in 2001. There are currently an estimated 22.5 million people living with HIV in the region" (quote from Reuters, February 10, 2009).

And globally the statistics are equally devastating as reported by Reuters:

"Some 33 million people were living with immunodeficiency virus infections in 2007, according to the United Nations report on the AIDS epidemic. As many as 2.7 million people were newly infected with HIV in 2007. Global deaths from AIDS reached an estimated 2.1 million in 2007."





"

Funny "Misconceptions" at Gasparilla Film Festival

Make sure you catch the local production of this comedy, "Misconceptions" that was directed by an Eckerd College instructor who has directed TV series. "Misconceptions" is slated to appear on the schedule of the annual Gasparilla Film Festival (February 26-March 3) in venues around Tampa Bay. Click here for the website for the latest updates on all film screenings, including this one.

"Misconceptions" is a funny look at what happens a rural Georgian woman receives a directive from God to be the surrogate mother for a legally married gay couple from Boston. The film was shot entirely in the Pinellas county using a lot of Eckerd students in cameo roles and in technical staff positions. Read here for background on the making of this film.

When Rules Trump Decency Because Gay Love is Illegal

Photo courtesy of Miami Herald

"As her partner of 17 years slipped into a coma, Janice Langbehn pleaded with doctors and anyone who would listen to let her into the woman's hospital room.

Eight anguishing hours passed before Langbehn would be allowed into Jackson Memorial Hospital's Ryder Trauma Center. By then, she could only say her final farewell as a priest performed the last rites on 39-year-old Lisa Marie Pond.

Jackson staffers advised Langbehn that she could not see Pond earlier because the hospital's visitation policy in cases of emergency was limited to immediate family and spouses -- not partners. In Florida, same-sex marriages or partnerships are not recognized. On Friday, two years after her partner's death, Langbehn and her attorneys were in federal court, claiming emotional distress and negligence in a suit they filed last June.

Jackson attorneys filed a motion to dismiss the case on grounds that the hospital has no obligation to allow patients' visitors.

Following a hearing lasting more than an hour Friday, U.S. District Judge Adalberto Jordan said he would try to decide soon whether the case could proceed to trial. He gave no specific date."

Source: Miami Herald, Friday, February 6, 2009 (Click here for the entire article).

Such is the sad tale of a woman who only desired to be at the bedside of her partner. All this trauma was preventable. Only if this Sunshine State recognized at least domestic partnerships.

For me, love is a "beautiful thing," to borrow a cliche. So if this love is true and tried, then why not accord it the dignity it deserves? Why not offer it the recognition society claims bonds the relationship? And hasn't this woman--and countless of other gay couples in committed relationships--demonstrated that they do meet the obligations of such sanctified unions? Are we a better society if we allow such tragedies to play out?

Florida Bar Association Supports Overturning Gay Adoption Ban

In November, 2008 a Miami Circuit Court judge ruled that Florida’s decades-old ban on gays and lesbians adopting children is unconstitutional. Read here the Time magazine's coverage of this landmark decision.

Now, as attorneys prepare for the state’s appeal, the Florida Bar Association has decided to advocate for the pro-equality position. Nearly 80 percent of the association’s 52 board members took part in a vote last Friday to authorize an amicus brief in favor of the Miami court’s decision overturning the ban. Read here for full report on this vote.

Perhaps my gay friends in Florida, who have been dying to change diapers, and tolerate screams at ungodly hours, will finally get this wish come true in this auspicious, "bullish" year (Year of the Ox). All of us, regardless of our sexual orientation, should have the right to give up our freedoms and raise children. If they are willing to make sacrifices, who am I to say, or you to say, they should be denied that right, a right that can in turn bestow the blessings of love upon unwanted children?

When "Making HIstory" Does Clinton In

I am a big fan of Hillary Clinton. Why you ask? I read her autobiography, Making History, from cover to cover. I read with bated breath the part about her parents' neighbors in Arkansas--a gay couple, a doctor and a nurse--who befriended her parents. This was more than a neighborly friendship. The gay couple came to her parents' aid in the worst of times whilst they daughter was thousands of miles away in Washington, DC battling a "right-wing conspiracy." That grace can enter one's life in the darkest moments is always a turning point. And so it was for Clinton; she credits this expression of unqualified love for her steadfast support of gay rights.

Well, fast forward to many years later on, now to be precise. Just a few days ago, Washington GLBT friendly politicians, including openly out Wisconsin Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin, have begun lobbying Clinton, in her role as secretary of state, to reverse the longstanding discriminatory policy toward US State Department employees' same-sex partners.

Also, at the department level, diplomats and officials have begun making the same kind of noise. Read this comment from a gay diplomat made during a "town meeting" with other officials:

Ralan Hill, a gay diplomat, called the policy “active discrimination against me and my family.”
“As one example, if I were assigned overseas to a post that came under a mandatory evacuation order, I would be required to leave, although the Department is under no legal obligation to do anything to help my partner. He could be left literally to fend for himself in a war zone,” Hill told Clinton (comment excerpted from this article).

Clinton responded in this manner:

She agrees that this was a “real concern” of “workplace fairness, employee retention, and the safety and effectiveness of our embassy communities worldwide.”

“So I have asked for a staff review of current policies, especially those that are set forth in State Department regulations and recommendations, and a strategy for making effective changes,” Clinton said.

But then Clinton threw this zinger. It is one of those that reminds you how complicated the legacy of the Clintons is.

Clinton reminded the audience that the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) tied her hands since hat legislation defined marriage as a heterosexual union as applied to federal employees and partners.

And of course, DOMA was signed into law by none other than her husband--President Clinton. It's more than awkward; it's downright embarrassing. How will Clinton extricate herself from this tangled web of past ties?

Vermont Moves Closer to Legalizing Gay Marriage

Photo credit: www.farm1.static.flickr.com
By LISA RATHKE – 11 hours ago
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Nine years after becoming the first state to permit civil unions, Vermont moved a step toward legalizing gay marriage Friday.
A bill that would allow same-sex unions was introduced in the Legislature, causing a crowd of about several hundred supporters to gather at the Statehouse in celebration.
"This really is a great day and a part of moving forward to a time when all Vermont couples will be treated equally under our laws," said a sponsor, Rep. Mark Larson.

I am not surprised that Vermont is going down this road. Attitudes in New England states have always been more progressive, more cosmopolitan. That in stark contrast to those in the Far West. Will New York, the Empire State, be the next one to go down this road of openness and equality?

Click here for full article.

"Schooled in Murder" (Book Review)

"An acrimonious English department faculty meeting at Chicago-area Grover Cleveland High leads to murder in Zubro's intriguing 12th Tom and Scott mystery (after 2006's Everyone's Dead but Us ). English teacher Tom Mason's troubles begin after he discovers the corpse of teacher Gracie Eberson, an eraser stuck in her mouth, in a supply room also occupied by two male teachers engaged in a sexual tryst. The guilty pair deny Tom's official report about their illicit activity, and an anonymous tip implicates Tom in Eberson's murder. When the dead body of another teacher turns up behind Tom's car, Tom turns sleuth. Tom's lover, Scott Carpenter, and such friends as Meg Swarthmore, Grover Cleveland's feisty librarian, and police officer Frank Rohde lend support. Zubro, a high school English teacher himself, invests this whodunit with sharp insights into what can happen when prejudice rules as well as timely lessons on educational chicanery."

As described by Publisher's Weekly Review, this novel by Mark Richard Zubro, is a murder mystery with a gay twist. Published in 2008 by the reputable St Martin's Minotaur, the work is the latest addition to Zubro's "The Tom and Scott Mysteries" series.

For book nerds like myself, reading is a pleasure. This is particularly so for a teacher like myself, who spends endless hours plodding through mind-numbing student papers. But trying to find insightful, high quality reading material, in this over-commercialized and visually oriented age of ours is like trying to find needles in a haystack, to borrow a well-worn saying.

Thankfully, "Schooled in Murder" passes the muster--by the wisp of a hair (or should it be, by the particles of an eraser?). Pettiness arising from oversized egos rears its ugly head, and soon, it feeds into the twin murders at this high school. Each death in retrospect is not unexpected, as the disparate pieces begin to fall into place.

The protagonist, Tom Mason, finds himself in a conundrum. The discovery of the first body takes place soon after he stumbled upon a gay "sexual tryst." Incidentally, this so-called tryst is your typical gay man meets married man affair. But there is more tryst than sex here, just to forewarn you. As you read this novel, you probably will wonder: Does this tryst play a role in Tom being implicated in this murder? Is Tom indirectly being blackmailed? And what is the relationship between this first and the second murder?

Enjoy this book. It is a quick read. My one criticism is that the author sometimes chooses to use overly high-flaunt diction, when it is not necessary to do so. After all, this is not Walt Whitman-like, either in contents or theme.

Downturn Sinks Tampa Gay Pride

Breaking News
Source: http://blogs.tampabay.com/breakingnews
February 5, 2008

TAMPA — Organizers of Winter Pride Tampa Bay this week canceled its annual gay festival, saying they were unable to raise enough money for the event.

"We're devastated," said Winter Pride spokesman Zeke Fread. "We hated to drop it at the last minute, but it just didn't pan out."

Members of Tampa's gay community started the festival in 2006 in response to Hillsborough County's decision not to recognize gay pride events. The celebration outgrew its first location, Lowry Park Zoo, after more than 5,000 people attended. The second event drew nearly 10,000.

This year's festival was scheduled for Feb. 28 at Al Lopez Park. Thousands from throughout west Florida were expected to attend.

Fread blamed the poor economy and costly fight against Amendment 2, in which voters defined marriage as a union between a man and woman. Festival organizers had lined up some sponsors but raised less than half of the estimated $25,000 needed to pay for insurance, display tents and other expenses, he said.

Since the announcement, hundreds of supporters have contacted Winter Pride asking how to help. Organizers hope to bring back the event for 2010.

"We're optimistic because now have a year to plan," he said. "We'll come back bigger than ever."

My Storied Past, Part 1: From "Mak Nyah" in Asia to Gay in America

"In July 2006, one evening I was sitting in a car with another man in a public park, in a suburb of Kuala Lumpur. We were just talking, there was nothing sexual going on. This park is known among gay people as a place to hang out. We call it “lost world.” Around 10pm, a police patrol car with two police officers pulled up. I still remember that moment. I thought I was going to die. The officers were both Malay Muslims. They quickly approached the car and grabbed us. ONE officer dragged my companion about six to eight meters away. They pushed us each to opposite sides and quickly grabbed our IDs. They tried to force us to admit that we were doing something wrong so that they would have a reason to bring us back to the police station. I only had one thing in my mind there. I was so frightened. I thought that I am not going to see the morning tomorrow.
The police officers made us stand with our backs to them facing the car and put our hands on the car. We said we did nothing wrong. They said two men inside a car in a public park was already wrong. I said again to them, “We did nothing wrong.” One officer said, “Don’t lie to me. We all know what people are doing in the park at this hour.” I said, “Officer, I don’t know what you had the occasion to catch people doing in the park at this hour but I am telling you the truth.” I was afraid because I knew that if I admitted I was gay I would be in serious trouble. I tried to act regretful, hoping they would have some pity and soften up. I was praying that the officers would believe me."

This anecdotal account is excerpted from a long, unpublished essay written by Dr. Walter Williams, a leading scholar in gay studies. In this extended essay, Williams overviews the insidious influence of Islamic fundamentalism in Malaysia, the country of my birth.

Like the Chinese Malaysian gay man of the above story, I too am of Chinese descent. And like that man, I have always lived in fear. I have lived in fear of my identity--but only for few years, unlike this young man.

Coming out to myself in my late teens, I was at that time hundreds of miles away from home. Then in college, my new home was a touristy island and a place of trade exposed for centuries to cosmopolitan ideas. At times, that island of pristine beaches and stupendous vistas embodied my aspirations, as I fell in love over and over again.

Even later when I was banished to a rural area of obvious Islamic fundamentalism to teach high school, I feared nothing. Respected and beloved by my students of all faiths and creed, iI found solace in my vocation. And I found someone to care for--a father figure, a man of little formal schooling, but of much wisdom.

So how is it that this "Mak Nyah" (Malay derogatory term for transvestites, but also used broadly to apply to homosexuals) ended up in America? When did my fears begin?

That moment of epiphany seemed so distant, so hazy. And yet, Williams's essay prickled my subconscious. It vexed me.

For me, perhaps that moment was seeded by the prim and proper English instructor--a woman who had attended Oxford, a woman whose skirt was always of the polite length--of my undergraduate years. Somehow, I received the assignment of making a speech on the sodomy laws of Malaysia as part of the coursework in the Speech class. I resisted, she insisted. Such is the irony of life.

I do not remember the exact parameters of my fifteen-minute talk, but surely I must have covered some highlights of the said laws, and here I quote from Williams's essay again:

"In Malaysia’s Penal Code, Section 377, the sentence for conviction of sodomy is flogging, plus up to twenty years in prison. Victims are flogged with a section of bamboo that is split into several strips. When bamboo is split it has extremely sharp edges, which slice the skin like knives. Flogging is quite bloody, and leaves permanent scars. In addition to Section 337, just to prevent any homosexual from escaping conviction, Section 337A provides for a male to receive up to two years in prison for any act of “gross indecency with another male person.” This vague wording allows prosecution for any kind of erotic interaction between two males. This law is explicitly applied only to homosexual behavior among males, but lesbians also suffer discrimination."

I thought little of these laws--a young man caught up in the frenzy of tests, quizzes, and paper writing could scarcely have time to mull over such heady stuff. But such thoughts must have remain in my subconscious, and like what Thomas Jefferson said, they came back like "a fire bell in the night," filling "me with terror." They came back one unexpected day.

Eat More, Lose Weight, Be Fabulous

Have you wondered why losing weight is such a losing battle for some people? As a gym enthusiast of more than ten years, I have seen this happen over and over again. Gay and non-gay friends always ask me my secret to a swimmer's built body, one that I have had since my teens. I tell them that I wear well-tailored clothing. Joke aside, the simple fact is that people can lose weight successfully if they follow these five simple, almost counterintuitive rules, and I assure you don't need fancy scales or endless calorie counting regimens:

1) Eat all the time. Now, before you start throwing tomatoes and potatoes at me, listen first. People eat irregularly, and so their metabolism is erratic. That in itself is bad for losing weight. To keep your metabolism consistent, eat six small meals (make a fist with one of your hands and that should be how large each meal is). Keep carbs in equal portion to protein, and fat to the minimal.

2) Exercise moderately and at varying intensity (meaning, huffing and puffing; if you aren't huffing and puffing, you aren't doing it right!). You don't want to burn off all your muscles. But you still want varying intensity. For example, on the treadmill, begin by walking at 3.5 speed with an inclination of 4.0, then after three minutes, increase it to 4.0 with inclination of 5.0, continue for three more minutes, then increase speed to 4.2 and inclination of 6.0, continue for three minutes, then bring the speed down to 3.5 and inclination of 4.0, then repeat entire cycle. Your goal is to challenge your body to work harder. If you keep the speed and inclination the same throughout the 30 minute (and yes, at least 30 mins.) you are not going to increase your metabolism. Also, this varying intensity will not strip your muscles quickly. Do this routine for 3-4 times a week.

3) Less cardio, more weight resistance. Most beginners do too much cardio, and too little weight resistance. No, I am not trying to make you into the next Mr. Olympic, but cardio only burn calories (and is good for cardiovascular health) but it is weight resistance that increases your metabolism--the key to losing weight, for the long run, period. Because gyms now have easy-to-use machines with instructions on them, you don' t need a trainer if you are budget conscious. That said, use the free one session (or several) offered by your gym when you first signed up. Do your weight resistance routine at least 3 times a week, with each one focused on just several body parts. For example, do your chest and arms in one session; then on another day, do just the thighs, calves, hamstrings, and glutes, and on the third day, do your back and shoulders. One word of advice: if you are not sore the next day, then your routine was too easy, and that is not good.

4) Drink lots, really lots, of water. Most of the people I work with don't drink water. They drink sugary stuff all day, and call it water! By water, I mean, spring or purified water. Drink at least 10 glasses (forget the conventional 8 glasses), even 12, for days when you were in the gym. Drinking fluids help to flush out toxins and promotes bowel movement, but it also gives your stomach that sense of being full, hence less binge eating.

5) Avoid stress. This may be hardest rule to follow, compared to the rest, given the nature of our modern society. But with peace of mind, you can concentrate better on your health goals. Get a massage now and then, walk through a park (not near the highway or busy traffic, for heaven's sake), take plenty of naps, join social clubs (no, I don't mean the kind where there is lots of drinking).

Finally, have fun!

Sex, Money, & Lies: The Tale of a Gay Candidate

Photo of Earl Rynerson, candidate for Fort Lauderdale mayor
Source: www.earlformayor.com

Fort Lauderdale, for those of you who have been living in the parched deserts of Africa, is of course the gay oasis in Florida. Circuit parties with free flowing booze and wild frenzy sex on the beaches seemingly is the dominant image of this city. I have never seen much of that, but then again, I am a goody good two shoes.

That said, it is, still, a boring city. No one really cares about politics in that town. At least, not the average gay man who worries more about his sagging behind, Clinique concealer, and the next "date" than does he of sewers and sewage.

So when a gay candidate running for mayor grabs headlines, then you know it's serious business or is it? Earl Rynerson, an openly gay man, apparently is the man under heavy scrutiny. Why?

First, he admits that he has refused to pay a number of bills for services rendered, ranging from a fence built for his house to a vacation in Africa. If you ask me, he sounds like a "drama queen" who is high maintenance. I say to him: Pay the bills and end the endless soap opera. After all, it's just money; give it to some poor contractors or service providers who need them rather than the go-go boys.

Second, reports have surfaced that he has subscribed to sex sites, including one geared for men into bondage. Frankly, none of this shocking to me. Most gay men have joined one site or another over a long gay lifetime. And if one has not, well, there is something wrong with him. He has never heard of the saying, "joining the herd."

He also tried to pass himself off as "Lt. Col. Earl Rynerson." Apparently, the man has not been in active duty for more than a decade, and military regulations dictate you cannot claim that rank in such circumstances. I say this is no big deal. The man obviously likes to play GI Joe. And gays always exaggerate anyways--it's either you are real young (when in fact, you are ten years older), real muscular (when in fact, you are actually stocky), or you are financially comfortable (when in fact, you are just making the ends meet).

So you see, life in gay old Fort Lauderdale is truly boring. In fact, gays everywhere are just like everyone--boring to the core, like all human beings. Click here for here an article on Rynerson.

We Are Dumb, We Need Another Study on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Illustration courtesy of www.dannymiller.typepad.com

Apparently the Obama administration, according to one newspaper article , will be impaneling a commission to conduct a study of this longstanding policy on gays in the armed services. No doubt, there will be much more hand wringing before we get any kind of resolution to this dilemma. Not to mention more of the taxpayers' money going down the drain in a time of economic recession. Just what we need--more talk and less action.

Another article in the Huffington Post commenting on this proposed commission offers the following cogent comments:

"What we don't welcome -- what we strongly oppose -- is yet another "study," which is Washington-speak for saying "let's just kick this down the road a ways." Out of sight, out of mind. You see, we're for repeal but don't really want to take a public stand right now (or we're bigots but don't have the guts to say so, outright bigotry being pretty unfashionable these days). So let's appropriate money for a commission or a study, maybe both. We'll have to appoint some members. That alone could take months. Of course the commission will need a staff. And offices. It could easily take a year before they get down to actually studying the issue (that's already been studied to death). Eventually -- and it could be a very long "eventually" -- we may see a report, the most recent in a long line of reports that began in 1988. That's 21 years ago!

Let's be clear: a commission or a study group is not about change. That's business as usual. We do not need another report to tell us what we already know and what earlier reports have long since concluded: the sexual orientation of a service member is irrelevant. What is relevant is how well he or she does the job."

Until the administration lays down a new law and forces all military personnel to abide by a policy of integration, some quarters in the military will continue to protest. That is as certain as the sun rising in the east each day. For sure, attitudes sometimes are hard to change, but a good leader must lead, not follow.

Either this president has to have the guts to make a move that is in line with all of the major allies' policy of integration of GLBT people into the services, or he has none. Stop pussy footing. Stop dishonoring the services of gay personnel. Give them the respect they deserve. They are, after all, citizens of the US.

Dying Young: Nearly a Fifth Gays Tried Suicide

A recent study released by Ireland's Ministry for Health concluded that nearly a fifth of the respondents of this large-scale study (though the exact number of respondents was not reported) have attempted suicide. This inclination stems from their sexual identity and the "experiences of being abused and feeling isolated."

The study goes on make this startling revelation: 80 percent of the respondents reported as having been verbally abused due to their sexual identity and more than half had been bullied whilst in school. Some forty percent of them reported of having been threatened with physical violence. Click here for full article.

I find these findings quite alarming. One of the most recent studies for United States--sampling more than 2,800 interviewees--support the overall conclusions of that Irish study. More than one in five men have at least contemplated suicide. Twelve percent of the sample reported actual suicide attempts, and of this group, about 70 percent reported having tried to do so before age 25. Also, 45 percent of those who had attempted suicide had done so more than once.

The US study concluded that "gay and bisexual males—particularly younger gay and bisexual males—constitute a high-risk group for attempted suicide." And the risk factor for gays and bisexuals is much higher than that for the general population, and that risk is higher at a younger age since coming out among adolescents and youth exposes them to greater social stigmatization and hostility than at a later age. Click here here for full article.

Gays & Christ: "Save Me" (Film Review)

Like many other gay men, I have had a troubled relationship with organized religion. I grew up in a Buddhist family, attended Jesuit schools, and considered entering the seminary. Then for many years, I consciously divorced myself from religion of any kind. I chose the path of atheism. It is only in recent years that I returned to Christianity, and found a comfortable "place" in a gay-friendly local Episcopal church.

So when I saw this film on the shelves of a Blockbuster store, I hesitated. I hesitated not because I fear the subject matter per se, but because I feared the evocations of the past. I feared the haunting specter of guilt. It is a guilt born out of deception, deceit, and disparagement.

Like some gay men, I used religion to mask my insecurities, to hide my identity. Subconsciously, I rationalized Christ (or Buddha at other times in my life) loved me in spite of who I am, rather than for who I am. I found solace in religion, but in a deceptive, misleading way. It is only in recent years that I finally realized that God has always been within myself, and that his Grace is within my reach. And my gayness is a blessing, hardly a curse. My gayness is His Hand upon me.

This film, "Save Me" (2007, 96 mins.), reminds me of my personal journey of finding God and His meaning in my life. Filmed in New Mexico, which lends itself to sweeping vistas of open spaces and skies--evoking thus God's omnipresence and omnipotence--"Save Me" pivots around the life of Mark (played admirably by Chad Allen, who is an openly gay actor), a sex and drug addict. His brother, at the end of his wits, checks Mark into a low-key Christian retreat run by Gayle (Judith Light) and Ted (Steven Lang). The retreat's sole mission is to use spiritual guidance to cure its residents of their "gay disease." Brainwashing is far from its means, and in that respect, its mission is no different from other similar Christian centers devoted to the same mission.

Mark, predictably, struggles to fit into the retreat's modus operandi. Along the way, he befriends Scott (Robert Gant of Queer as Folk series fame) and soon, their relationship blossoms, that in turn, threatens the mission and its residents. And soon enough, they both have to confront their true identities. And interestingly enough, so does Gayle.

What this movie does well is its balanced, even handed treatment of both the residents and their guardians. It takes a sympathetic look at both sides of the divide. It never seeks to demonize any one side. Instead, it seeks to find a possible reconciliation between homosexuality and Christianity.

For a low-budget, art house type of movie, this production, filmed entirely within just two weeks, is a winner. Anchored by subtle acting on the part of all the major characters, the movie is moving, without being mushy or sentimental. I highly recommend it, regardless of your orientation or background.

Bonding & Intimacy in Gay-Straight Friendships

Above is the trailer for the play, "Terra Haute."

Have you wondered if it is possible for a gay man to have a platonic, yet intimate, relationship with a straight man?

I think this is one of the central, though no means, only questions, raised in gay writer Edmund White's new--and perhaps, most successful--play, "Terra Haute." Loosely based on another equally well-known gay writer's work, Gore Vidal, In a series of extended essays, Vidal documents his emotionally charged correspondence with Timothy McVeigh, who bombed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Vidal, however, denies that he was ever remotely attracted to McVeigh.

Similarly, but not exactly, "Terra Haute" centers around the relationship between an aging, financially comfortable, bisexual journalist and a young, poor, masculine, straight terrorist awaiting execution. What happens when two correspondents, after developing a paper-only relationship, finally meets and sees each other in the true light serves as the conflict of this play.

The drama pivots on the theme of "different types of loneliness," to quote White himself. Like many of his earlier novels such as the highly celebrated, coming-of-age tale, "A Boy's Own Story" and "The Married Man," this play explores "distances in male relationships ... created by differences in age, sexuality or expectations," to quote a New York Times article. White explains also: “I’d hope that thinking about them in terms of their intimacy can raise questions about how they relate to the world,” he said.

So is "Terra Haute" a gay play? Not so, says the playwright. For ultimately this is a play about the humanity of even the most cold or menacing people. The sexuality in the play is simply a vehicle to convey the humanity, the commonality that binds men and women, old and young, children and adults--all of us in this iridescent world.

In that respect, for me, the last two blog entries, including this one, speak to the same undercurrents; We must search for the inner war that often breaks out within us. That war rages on, incessantly, and only we, as individuals, can harness its energies for a greater good.

Sexy, All-Man Daniel Craig in "Flashbacks of a Fool" (Review)

Last night at Blockbuster, I had to choose between the above movie starring sexy Daniel Craig or one entitled "Saving Grace" on the influence of fundamentalists in brainwashing gays. Needless to say, considering this was Saturday night, I chose the former.
Who would not want to see Craig in some undressed form? Have you seen him in the two latest James Bond flicks? Have you seen how he sizzles up the screen with his magnetism?

Alright, back to the movie. Craig plays Joe Scott, a washed-up Hollywood actor, originally from England. The movie opens with scenes of him engaged in an orgy of paid sex, drugs, and other acts of hedonism. Then the camera, ever so "subtly," pans to show Craig in all his glories. So gay and women fans will have an eyeful.

But soon tragic news arrives from back home. A boyhood friend has died in tragic circumstances. And Joe soon takes a path down memory lane. He recalls the pains, loneliness, and dysfunctionalism of his youth. This second act of the film is its core. But here the movie, trying to cover much ground, and too many details in its characterization, falls apart, somewhat. While young Joe's (played ably by Harry Eden of Oliver Twist fame) liaisons with girls are fairly well developed. the same cannot be said about those with his platonic friends. And that is a patent weakness of the flick. The dynamics of the relationships with the other boys explain in turn his tacit turn affairs with those girls.

The choice of the setting of this movie--a seaside community (actually somewhere in South Africa)--was brilliant. It afforded the director the ability to use all the tricks in the bag for his cinematography. Given the breathtaking vistas, there are lots of wide angle shots but also plenty of close ups of scenes that suggest, rather than explain. For example, at one point, young Joe is being seduced by an older woman. All we see for a few seconds is Joe's response, rather than the woman's advances.

The film ends with the third act, which is rather clumsily tacked onto the other two acts. Here we return to the present time. The adult Joe has to face his past. But much of this third act could have been further compressed, as some of its scenes seem so tangential to the development of the plot.

That said, I still enjoyed the movie. For gay men, this flick should remind us that our past, our family life, and the relationships we developed in those yesteryears, can either tragically or heroically, nurture our sense of self and our identity. That to me is what I took away from this film. And if all that did not work for you, consider Craig's rugged looks and admirable derriere as added incentives to spend that extravagant $2.99 plus tax (did you know Blockbuster just reduced rates?) to rent this movie per night. Enjoy the youtube trailer below.

Lighting Up, Burning Down: Gays & Smoking

Photo courtesy of http://wearingacapemakesyouasuperhero.blogspot.com/

"It's been over a year since I kicked some smoking butt. I remember having no desire to smoke before I started. I often hung out with people that smoked either at bars or just socializing. I finally accepted their offer to have a drag. One drag turned into half of a cigarette. That single stick turned into several bummed cigarettes a day and eventually a purchased pack. My habit was in full acceleration." This little anecdotal account, and the quote below, come from a longer article on cancers and gay men. It explains why gay men are more susceptible to cancers, the lung one included.

The same article also pinpoints the reason why gay men are more susceptible to lung cancer and other related health problems: "Smoke-filled bars and clubs are common hang outs for some gay men. For this reason, according to the American Cancer Society, gay men are more likely to smoke or be exposed to smoke. A recent gay.com article on gay smoking cites 36 percent of LGBT adults are smokers, compared with 25 percent of all adults. Smoking accelerates the progression of AIDS and increases the risk of lung cancer. HIV also accelerates smoking-induced emphysema." Not only is this an American phenomenon, but in the United Kingdom, an estimated 40 percent of gays smoke (click here for an article).

I see all the time friends at gay bars light up cigarettes without a care in the world. Coupled with the free flowing alcohol (which actually you have to pay for at exorbitant rates), smoking, and cruising seem synonymous with the bar culture. Perhaps for some gays, these behaviors enable them to ignore a difficult reality outside this glitzy fantasy of fashionable, pretty boys; adrenalin rushing music, and materialism galore. Then again, drinking and smoking lowers inhibitions, and allows them to keep on cruising, and cruising.

Ironically, for a gay culture that seemingly is obsessed with sex (I say seemingly, because not all of us are!), smoking actually creates hormonal imbalances that decrease libido. Not to mention smoking also causes yellow teeth, gum disease, and bad breath. And of course, smoking cuts the airflow to the skin, leaving it grey and dull. It is akin to choking you to death, one cigarette at a time.

So now that you know smoking makes you less "sexy," will you stop smoking? After all, we are well past the 1930s, when even doctors are exploited to promote cigarette smoking. Thank god, we are past that now (see the ad below from that decade).

Gay Music: Beyond The Village People

"Nothing against dance or disco. I came out to Thelma Houston's "Don't Leave Me This Way" and its swirling waves of ecstasy still send chills up my spine."

"But there's more to gay culture than just a few pop hits, and you don't have to be an opera queen to think some of it might come from the classical sphere."

The funny, yet insightful, quotes come from an article in a Canadian mainstream newspaper that caught my eyes. It, in gentle humor, plumbs the nature of gay music today. Click here to read the entire article.

For me, gay music is a hard term to define. What constitutes gay music? Is it fast paced rhythms? Is it the incessant beat that keeps pace with the sexual energy of youth? Or is it the slower cadence of classical music that echoes the tragedies of gay life? Is that why gay men become drama queens or divas?

I personally always found classical music uplifting. It reminds me that life is redeemable, that life is full of colors and hues, and not black and white alone. And that life is about shared dreams.

Enjoy the Youtube video of the music of Benjamin Britten, the well-known gay composer. The piece is entitled "Hymn to St Cecilia no. 3."

THe Long Road to Gay Equality in Florida and Elsewhere

Just a few days ago, University of Tampa, a private university in Tampa, Florida, finally after a long, hard fought fifteen-year struggle by faculty and students alike, granted same-sex partner benefits to its employees. Read here for the full report.

The piece cited the following statistics:
"Other private universities, including Lynn, Nova Southeastern and the University of Miami, offer domestic partner benefits, as do approximately 80 percent of U.S. News & World Report’s top 50 colleges and more than half of Fortune 500 companies, according to the Chronicle of Higher Education." Many schools, both private and public, in Florida, however, still have their doors slammed shut to the idea of domestic partnership benefits.

For me, someone who lives in the Greater Tampa Bay area, it is no surprise that the struggle has been long and hard. And sometimes the struggle has been as simple, and yet as arduous, as convincing my young wards to listen to the other voices of our world.

Colleagues who teach in surrounding colleges often tell me that homophobia is still strong on campuses. I remember as a college teacher myself in this area, facing resistance from students who protested against a short story written by William Faulkner just because the author in passing mentioned that one of his character "liked men." Or take the time my students several years found a Walt Whitman poem, "Calvary Crossing the Ford," supposedly unacceptable because the poet paid homage to the bravado or masculinity of the men. The students' opposition in this case lies, I suspect, Whitman being a homosexual, rather than his elegy to these men's courage. I can also tell you the time when some students complained to the Dean about a poem by a lesbian writer who wrote passionately of the intersections, and triple oppressions, of race, gender, and sexuality. This was a poem that had to rely on profanity to make its pointed argument. And I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Today, after all what I deem to be unnecessary drama, I still am teaching that short story and poems, and many other so-called controversial writings. I still have the dream, that one day, our fears of the unknown, of the "Other," can somehow be put to rest, and that we will rise to greet the world.

"Gay" Advertisements from the 1930s

I received these images of advertisements from a friend of mine. No doubt, they would not grace our periodicals today. In these ads, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, and sexual language screams at us. All these rhetorical devices are manipulated in the name of making a few more bucks. But whilst such blatant images and language may not appear anymore in our magazines and newspapers, yet more subtle ones still exist. Perhaps certain things never change. That said, have a few laughs!

End "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and You Get Gay Marriage, So Says Gay Marine Cum Porn Star

Image courtesy of http://diocuore.blogtownhall.com/2008/08/08/openly_homosexual_marines.thtml

Recently Religious Right organizations and other right-wing groups are making noise that President Obama will not only repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy for the armed services, but also, that any such repeal will be a "back door" to gay marriages. Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to me.

For one thing, as one conservative gay journalist (yes, they do exist!) cum former marine cum former porn star (ok, your head might spin at this point) argues that the rank and file do not care about the "gay issue." It has no bearings on the morale or discipline within the services. Click here to read his arguments, which unfortunately, were forwarded to argue against repealing the existing policy. At least, he and I agree on the supporting premises, if not the conclusion!

Now consider the logic of repealing such a policy leading to the sanctioning and legalizing of gay marriages. Repealing such a policy requires an executive order that the president issues. But legalizing gay marriages requires at least the assent of the jurisprudence, as we have seen in recent years in Connecticut, Massachusetts, and California. And it probably will demand a nationwide law in place such as those in countries as diverse as Spain, Mexico, and Canada that have embraced gay marriage or variations of it. Such a law has to pass in the US Congress.

So how can repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" lead to gay marriages? Perhaps the only impact such a repeal can have on the second hot button issue is in galvanizing support for gay marriages. But even then, trends in polling show that Americans are more and more against this military policy but still fairly stable in their opposition to gay marriages. So it is unlikely that Americans will be persuaded to see the ending of this policy as endorsement for gay marriages. I think Americans on the whole can see this military policy as unwise, irrational, and even downright silly but still balk at endorsing gay marriages. For one thing, the current policy undermines our readiness and sends the wrong signal to many of our allies that already accepted gays into the military whereas gay marriage is seen by many Americans as far more muddled since it has been demonized as the antithesis of the Judeo-Christian paradigm of the nuclear family.

When Bigotry Trumps Rationalism

By now, I am sure many of you who live in the Greater Tampa Bay area know of the controversy surrounding Kevin Beckner, the first term Hillsborough County Commissioner, and an openly gay man. Perhaps naively, he suggested that the county commission a study of the possibility of expanding health insurance to LGBT partners of county employees, provided it did not cost more. Before you know it, a firestorm had broken out. To read all the specifics of this controversy, click HERE

I believe that common sense had failed to prevail here. If for some reason the proposed idea will cost the county more money, then obviously the whole proposal is moot. But if it does not, then there is a possibility that the overall cost per employee could actually drop if more people are being insured.

Unfortunately hysteria, homophobia, and hyperbole prevailed in this case. And the end result is predictable: A good idea fell to the wayside because of overreaction on the part of the Religious Right and their followers.

Logic and common sense have no place in local governance, or so it seems.

Are You Tired of Hunting on Manhunt?

For lots of gay men, cruising hookup or dating sites has become a way of life. It is as trendy as wearing Calvin Klein underwear or as hip as donning Skeecher footwear. After all, come to think of, all three run together--sex, body, and image. No self-respecting gay man would be caught dead garbed in Arrow shirts, and similarly no one would admit that he has never had a profile on at least one such site.

But now researchers argue that popular gay hookup or dating sites such as Manhunt, Adam4Adam, and gay.com, just to name a few, have encouraged gay men to create fraudulent alter egos. They have enabled subscribers to "sell" online pornographic versions of themselves. They promote a form of addiction. And they sanction the creation of a secret life. All that is true.

But what about the benefits of these sites?

For one thing, you save time. Have you ever entered a dimly lit bar or club? Have you ever furtively search for one face, one body, that you are slightly interested in? If so, fear not. Come to one of these sites. Notwithstanding people who post old photos dating back to the age of the dinosaurs, let us just say there is a lot to see, and much more than what you can glean in that bar or club.

Then again, you must consider what these fellow cruisers are looking for. If you are looking for real, and I mean, real dates, complete with conversations, then you must come to these sites. Sure, you will be hard pressed to find what you are looking for, but fear not. If you spend countless of hours, searching page after page of photos and profile texts, eventually you will stumble upon that one fantastic, earth-shattering profile of an angelic man and his pictures that are straight out of a Hollywood studio. So, assuming you haven't lost your job looking for these profiles while at work, you will find your Prince Charming. Never mind if the guy turns out a bit older than what his profile says, or a little chubbier than what the picture leads you to believe, or that his marketing job actually is a telemarketer one.

If you are still not convinced that these sites are worth your time, consider this important factor. The TV world has so many reality shows on these days, so much so that you can be forgiven if you start imagining yourself in one of these shows, including those "find a husband" type. So now imagine yourself online, searching these sites for Mr. Right. What you are doing is no different from being on a reality show. Fact and fiction are entwined now, and life could not be better.

The Dilemma of an Ex-Married Gay, Baptist Follower with Six Children

Before anyone thinks this is an imaginative story, let me assure you that I speak from experience--well, sort of. I dated someone who was happily married (perhaps) for the first twenty years of his marriage, having entered into nuptials at the impressionable age of twenty. Along the way, he fathered six children, three girls and three boys. Talk about equations. Then a moment of epiphany developed for him in his early forties. He realized he is gay. And soon divorce arrived.

That was the easy part.

For a newly minted gay man living in New York City that would have been difficult enough. But for a gay man who graduated from Baylor University in Texas (yes, that school), who almost became a Baptist minister, and who went on to raise a family of six, this was hell.

What does a man with a scarring guilt do in this overly "swinging," youth obsessed, still highly single gay community? Do you tell people right away you have six children? Do you tell these twinks and yuppies that nobody knows you are gay? Do you pretend the children do not exist? Or do you just stay at home, alone, every Saturday night and eat popcorn and watch romantic films?

Most gay men tend to run away from such formerly married guys with a train of kids behind them. Did I? No, not initially. But no matter how progressive minded I was, it seems his past haunted our budding relationship. It became a burden. It became shackles.

This was a man unable to throw off the shackles of his internalized homophobia, to the point where no one, save a few platonic girlfriends, knew of his true orientation. Deceit, deception, delusions--these became the raison de'etre of his life. Such is the tragedy of a life mangled by societal demands. And yet it is one that can rise from these demands if he had had the fortitude, the bravado, to see the truth.

After almost ten years of "coming out," does his children and ex-wife know of his true identity? No. And is he a man comfortable in his skin? An emphatic no.

In the Name of Patriotism, Betrayed by Their Country?

At the recent confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton, then secretary of state designate, Senator Russ Feingold asked the former her thoughts on the difficulties encountered by GLBT spouses of foreign service officers posted abroad. Denied of spousal rights, LGBT partners lack access to affordable health insurance coverage. During overseas tours, employees' partners lack access to employment opportunities, emergency evacuation, and embassy medical units, all afforded to married, heterosexual couples. The end result is that LGBT foreign service officers cannot carry out their official responsibilities given these family challenges. Moreover, this was patently unfair on them; though posted often to harsh settings, often even putting their lives in the harm's way, yet their own nation seemed to have forsaken them.

Below is Clinton's answer:

CLINTON: Senator, this issue was brought to my attention during the transition. I've asked to have more briefing on it because I think that we should take a hard look at the existing policy. As I understand it, but don't hold me to it because I don't have the full briefing material, but my understanding is other nations have moved to extend that partnership benefit. And we will come back to you to inform you of decisions we make going forward.

The above statement, as cautious, as it is, gives hope to the thousands of GLBT officers and their loved ones. Neglected and ignored for years by the Bush administration, which over and over again was deaf to their pleads led by their organization, Gays and Lesbians in Foreign Affairs Agencies (GLIFAA), perhaps, just perhaps, the times are a changing . See here for a longer write up on the background of this issue. Also see here for information about GLIFA.

If You Want to Grade Obama, Here is One Way

For those of you who are obsessed with keeping up with President Obama, well, here is one way of doing it without going crazy. Now, remember the "big" man made 500 promises or so during his presidential campaign. And so if you are a devoted fan, or critic (think Rush Limbaugh follower), you probably desire to know if he is going to keep all these promises, small or large, minor or major. So now courtesy of St Petersburg Times, you can now do so. Click here TEXT for the "Obameter," complete with a scorecard for all the promises kept so far (5), those compromised (1), those broken (none so far), those stalled (1), and those in the works (14). For the GLBT promises, they run from numbers 290 to 294, and so far, none of these have been kept. Dare we hope he will not throw us under the bus like Clinton did? Will he effect real change for the LGBT community? Or he will compromise so as to keep "mainstream America" as his bosom buddy?

Obama's Lifting of Gag Rule and Gay Men

President Obama's lifting of the "global gag rule" on this past Friday was heralded as a step in the right direction by organizations in the forefront of offering reproductive and family planning services. By lifting this ban on U.S. funding for organizations that provide abortions and any abortion-related services, women in underdeveloped countries no longer have to suffer unwanted pregnancies or worse still, suffer risky abortions performed in medically unacceptable conditions. But what is often less noted is that this gag rule for far too long have also denied local family planning clinics, when they refuse to sign the gag rule, the ability to offer HIV/AIDS prevention education and other related family planning services. In so doing, their critical work, in countries already plagued by poor medical delivery services, on behalf of AIDS patients, which includes bisexual men and gay men, is also impacted adversely. Furthermore, and this has had a devastating impact on contraceptive education, the gag rule effectively prevented non-governmental organization from accessing much needed supplies of condoms and other educational materials needed in the fight against AIDS. All of us should welcome the lifting of this gag rule due its past harsh implications.

Readthis article for more analysis of the impact of this gag rule on women in Third World countries. It makes no direct mention of gay men, however.

Read this article for a quick overview of the fallout from the previous Bush "gag rule."